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Friday, August 13th, 2004
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Tuesday night I hung out with steve. This guy just shows up and for some reason it doesn't bug me at all. I guess it's because he lives so far away. We hung out, I met his former co-workers, played with his ninja sword, talked about how to break things with one's fist. All around good/mellow time... that had to be cut short because of dumb work. Wednesday night I got off work, ate some food, and then it was off to fire island. Sean's aunt had rented a house out there for a week. There was room for some more people, so I went along. It was kind've cool, a nice atmosphere. There are sectioned off areas w/declining wooden ramp path ways under a canopy of beach trees. When i'd look down at it from the deck on the roof, it reminded me a little bit of marlon brando in 'The Island of Dr. Moreau'. That's how I should've been dressed while gazing at the surrounding area. It's like a little ewok commune out there. Today I listened to the velvet underground while charring my flesh, and now i look like a pink super hero. I only wish I had a little more time to myself out there, though it was a fun time with sean and his friends. Last night and today were a blur, now I go back to the same old routine for four days. Had some good conversations tonight. God, I really wish some things were different. Will it to be done and do it.. right? I need to come up with some sort've game plan. Mend old wounds, create stronger friendships, and bust out of the same old routine somehow. Sigh.
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I was on my hour and eating some pizza. The phone starts to ring, and I think: "noone knows I'm home." It just keeps ringing and ringing so I decide to pick it up. I was shocked when I heard an old friend's voice. He came over for about 5 minutes, we chatted a bit. I was late going back.. but it was worth it. Tonight I went out. I hate doing nothing after work. It was a good time. I tracked down a cool radio station, and drove around. Late nights (late nights for me anyway) have me thinking of things I wish were different. It's always in the back of my head.. yet it's as if it's pointless to feel this way knowing there is no way to remedy it. I don't know.. I don't make sense.
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Saturday, July 24th, 2004
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Miss Emily, Miss Mamie, we gots to have some gas.
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Thursday, July 22nd, 2004
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I got one of those jury duty slips in the mail. I'm not sure how all of that stuff works, but I hope I get picked. Tonight I'll go to sleep just to wake up and get ready for another day of shitty shittyness. Wish there were more going on; there isn't. Let Jared steer while we were out driving about. Went for a solo ride tonight and thought of more things I have no control over. Maybe I should just go to bed.
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Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
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I'm really tired.. it's only 8:30. I need to organize some stuff in my room but I seriously don't want to move. I should get a hair cut soon. Nothing too drastic.. but whenever I grow my hair long, I end up wanting to go real short. I need to hit up the doctor about my eye. The right one is getting blurry. Gad zooks, it spooks.
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Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
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Thursday, July 15th, 2004
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Got a few dvds today:
-Creepshow 2
-Akira
-Cube
-Spawn: The Ultimate Collection
Creepshow is just as I remember it. Akira has always been expensive, but today I found the cheaper/not imported/not special edition version. I've been meaning to get Cube for awhile..so there you go. The Spawn collection is pretty good. The second two seasons aren't as good as the first.
I also ordered this documentary today. Sam Neill did this documentary a few years ago about space and the universe for the discovery channel. I remember it being really good so I bought it. It's Christmas time.
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Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
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I wish things were more eventful. Nothing all that exciting going on. I should have a cross dressing party just to say I had one. I kind've want a tattoo but I can't think of anything I'd want that I wouldnt get sick of. I have work tomorrow morning. In a week or two I'm going to ask them to cut my hours back. Theres still a bit of green around my eyes and lips to get rid of before theres a cut in the old paycheck. The jeep needs a serious cleaning. I'm always too tired to clean it. I think if I got a hair cut I wouldn't be so up tight on the job. I noticed that the senior manager guy gives my hair a once over before addressing me..like everytime I talk to him. I don't think any of my managers would be as rude to say get your hair cut, but I wouldn't put it passed them. Fuck it. Overall it was a good day off; had a few good things happen today. I planned to go running this morning but rainy weather will stop me every time.
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Wednesday, July 7th, 2004
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My schedule gets changed around a lot. It's not cool. I thought I was getting a day off tomorrow but ofcourse not. Sighest sigh. I'm off to watch Halloween III because I'm saving up for a new pair of shoes.
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Comments: Read 3 or Add Your Own.
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| Time: | 11:20 pm. |
| Mood: |  depressed. |
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My news for today:
I was in the dog food aisle rearranging some cans of... dog food. Two kids, about 4 and 5, start their way down the aisle with their mother. One of them, the older one, stands next to me as his mother looks at some bird food; the younger one is standing in the cart. The older one says "hey, man". I say hello. The younger boy asks his mom what was in the cans. "Dog food.", she says. The younger boy is like ewwww eww ew. He then asks me if I eat the dog food. I tell him I do, and the mom is like "he's only teasing."
I kind've zoned out at that point, thinking something like "cute kids." but then the older kid asks me another question. "Hey man, do you eat my heinee?" "Do you like eating my heinee?" What the fuck?
lol. So fucking wrong.
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Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
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I'm needy. That makes me a bitch and irritating to be around. I'm depressed.
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Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
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A new addition to my room. The computer is here, and I bought some new things for my new thing. I'm really tired right now. I work on the 4th of July all day. I work tomorrow all day and repeat the gayness for five days. I don't need this money as much as I need a social life. And how. Thought I had some goodness coming my way a week or so ago. As soon as I began hoping for a positive outcome and began building up my courage, reality smashed everything to pieces once again. There is this cool guy I work with, relatively cool anyway. I heard him talking about going to school for parapsychology. He can grow up to be a ghostbuster. Hearing things like that bug me a little bit.. why should they.. I don't know, guess I'm jealous.. but what of?
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No more room in this room. Roomy roomy room room. I need some shelves or stands or hooks or something. I don't like not being able to stretch my legs while I sit at my computer. Boxes or portable cabinets or cpus get in the way, adding to my irritation. I am a miserable johnny.
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Thursday, June 24th, 2004
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I need some form of redemption. I've lost best friends to time and resentment. I've lost loved ones, and I've lost myself. I see an image in my head of a guy who I've come to hate. He sits calmly and destroys all that could've been. Destroys the future he wants, and destroys his chance at wholeness and happiness. Reality is bleak. I'm afraid things will never change.. I'm afraid there aren't any answers for me.
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I hope this pain ends up killing me. I want all this to end.
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Saturday, June 19th, 2004
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Hello. Nothing new. Been saving up money for a new computer. It was something to look forward to. Found one refurbished. I was talking to the guy about the price..so immediately he starts raising it on me. It went from 699 and now its up to 759 w/ a 69 dollar shipping cost. Seems I'm always getting fucked. I really am starting to hate reading livejournal, but like erik would say it's like some sort've horrible drug. Reading all your entries I either get angry, depressed, frustrated, or envious. I'm pretty sure half of you don't like me, and the other remember some kid from highschool they used to talk to. I tend to work all the time now. In my free time, anyone that would have anything to do with me is either busy, working themselves, or off doing something better. I'm going to be late.
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Comments: Read 3 or Add Your Own.
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I rather feel busy than feel like putting a gun to my head.
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| Time: | 6:36 am. |
| Mood: | sore. |
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It's been awhile. I got a job, they treat me like a slave..no way. I'm one of the few "bigger guys", so they call on me along with some others from different departments to grab these huge boxes from the back and drag them up front. This weekend I did that for about 16 hours. Anyway, the social life is lacking. I either get ignored, like I did yesterday (thank you, by the way) or people are just too busy with their own lives.
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Comments: Read 3 or Add Your Own.
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I've decided not to give my presentation tonight. My grade is fine without it.. the paper just isn't strong enough to talk about for 10 minutes. I feel like shit anyway. fin.
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![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
xscrabsx's journal
rushed.
mellow.
blah.
tired.